saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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