I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
