Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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