either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm both gender and math confused
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
