so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
