Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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