No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
