like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
