dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
