On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
