just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
