just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
