I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
babies were throwing up all over the place
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
