And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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