Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
