Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
