i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
