it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My pussy is not your playground.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Damn victory sex feels great
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
