I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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