I'm going to jail i love you
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
