She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
