I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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