All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
