i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
