He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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