Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
