When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
