the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
