idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
