you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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