he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
