Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
