I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
