okay pat passed out under dana's car
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
