so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
