it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
