I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
