I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You did what with his pubic hair?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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