ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
