were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
