jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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