Don't make out with my wife yet
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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