NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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