one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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