the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
