I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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