shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
