so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
