dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ketchup is God's man juice
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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