this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
