Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
